When setbacks come

In this series, we consider the plans and pitfalls that will either make you or break you in your quest to become a better man. In Part IV, we look at how to respond to the inevitable failures and setbacks along the way.

The beginning of change feels great. Motivation levels are high. Energy is good. Focus is unrelenting. Results may also be starting to show (you see weight loss, improvements in work performance, you score well on tests, etc). But it never seems to stay that way does it? Something happens. Life changes a bit, you feel tired, other areas of life start to need more attention, you have a setback, you get injured, you get bored. Progress halts or even reverses. You end up feeling lost, confused, frustrated, stuck, even shame. It is an inevitable consequence of change.

What you do next, matters. Give in to your feelings, and you will fail. A better approach is to:

a) Acknowledge the brutal truth (e.g. "I fell off the wagon"), then,

b) Ask yourself, "What am I going to do about it?"

Here is what you should do about it:

Step 1: Reframe it. Every failure is feedback. What can I learn from this? How can I improve the systems to make sure it doesn't happen again?

Step 2: What can I do next?

• Change the momentum - see the 5 minute action (Part 1).

• Change your environment - e.g. eating bad food, don't have it in your kitchen.

• Get help - speak to a loved one, a mate, a coach, your pastor.

• Learn from it - what can I change in the future

All is not lost. Success is never linear. Ups show progress, downs give you the lessons to go higher next time.

Is it really a setback?

Sometimes your progress will seem slow but that is not a setback. We wrongly conclude that small good decisions don't matter that much when results don't happen rapidly.

They really do matter. We are the sum total of all the small decisions we make on a daily basis. Say, for example, your goal this year is to get a promotion at work and you have identified one key knowledge and skill gap that you need to get there: Leadership.

So, you resolve to start reading a great leadership book for 30 minutes a night. But after week one you realise that, actually, you still aren't a great leader. So you give up. That's what many people do because their new habits make slow progress against their big goal.

They lose sight of the compound effect of this daily discipline. That within a year, they could be thinking very differently, and that practicing the principles starts to build something special.

Don't mix up slow progress for failure.

This concludes our series on helping you to become the unique man God created you to be. The world needs good men more than ever. You are currently one and you will grow into an even better one.